Rejoice! Ched Evans Has Some Handy Advice For Women On How To Avoid Being Raped

Recently acquitted non-rapist and mediocre footballer Ched Evans has taken it upon himself to dispense his wisdom upon women of the world on how to not get raped, and the answer is simple: Don’t drink.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, back in 2012 Evans was found guilty of raping a 19-year-old woman the previous year and sentenced to five years in jail, with the prosecution ruling she was too drunk to consent. However, after being released in 2014 and having his conviction quashed, he was then found not guilty in a second trial last year.

And now, noble Ched, recently signed by League One champions Sheffield United after a stellar seven-goal season for relegated Chesterfield, has spoken to The Times about his experiences. Oh, and also what women can do to avoid being raped.

[quote] “A lot of work needs to be done in relation to consent because I definitely think that the police have an agenda to find ways to charge people and the easiest one is the drunk one.

“I also think that women need to be made aware of the dangers they can put themselves in because there are genuine rapists out there who prey on girls who have been drinking.”[/quote]

Wow, Ched my boy, you’ve cracked it! All this time we’ve been going around thinking a rapist is solely responsible for their actions, but as it turns out the victims should shoulder the blame! Those bloody women, going around, consuming alcohol like everybody else, making themselves susceptible to the horrific whims of “genuine rapists”. LADIES: ABANDON THOSE JAGERBOMBS IMMEDIATELY.

Christ, that’s a terrible take. Who knew Ched Evans had such poor judgement and awful decision-making? Think before you speak*, Ched lad.

*or enter hotels room uninvited.