Football Fans Are Idiots: Part 713

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Jesus Christ, would you look at this:

Things Crystal Palace could do with an extra £40,000:

  • Fuel Sam Allardyce’s wine-and-gravy addiction
  • Buy a whole flock of eagles to release on unsuspecting opposition players at set pieces
  • Purchase a large and extremely useful supply of nappies for Jason Puncheon
  • Rent out a crane to remove the chip from each and every one of their fans’ shoulders
  • Buy a sense of self-awareness for the Holmesdale ‘Fanatics’
  • Fuel Sam Allardyce’s gum addiction
  • Give their eagle mascot a fancy makeover
  • Fund the Crystals until they find a new line of work (it’s 2017, come on)
  • Buy a nice little place by the sea for Keith Millen to retire to in 50 to 60 years

This article was brought to you by Late Tackle football magazine, the national football fanzine, 'by fans for fans'.
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