Football Fans Are Idiots: Part 713

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Jesus Christ, would you look at this:

Things Crystal Palace could do with an extra £40,000:

  • Fuel Sam Allardyce’s wine-and-gravy addiction
  • Buy a whole flock of eagles to release on unsuspecting opposition players at set pieces
  • Purchase a large and extremely useful supply of nappies for Jason Puncheon
  • Rent out a crane to remove the chip from each and every one of their fans’ shoulders
  • Buy a sense of self-awareness for the Holmesdale ‘Fanatics’
  • Fuel Sam Allardyce’s gum addiction
  • Give their eagle mascot a fancy makeover
  • Fund the Crystals until they find a new line of work (it’s 2017, come on)
  • Buy a nice little place by the sea for Keith Millen to retire to in 50 to 60 years

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